I don’t know much about football
As a teenager I used to play in the school yard. When they picked teams I was always the last poor sod standing there. I was usually dismissed to the other team with a “Oh you have him“.
- I was fat
- I was slow
- I lacked talent
(Keep your thoughts to yourself).
But I’m going to win the F.A. Cup
I’m going to invest in a team and then I’m going to coach them. Here’s how:
1. I’m going to get the right players
- I will invest when I can (my mate Gerry is a master at football manager)
- I’m going to grow my own talent, they call it an academy — I think
2. The players are going to train
- Eat the right foods
- Stop smoking
- Kick a football, then kick it again. And when they are done, they are going to kick it some more
- Spend Friday nights in — I guess drinking before a match is bad
3. I will create the right environment
- We will have a clear goal
- I’ll do motivational team talks
- We will develop rapport
- I’ll employ a sports psychologist to stop them messing with each others heads — and mine
4. I will buy them the right kit
- A strip — stripes are nice
- Some goal posts
- Boots, those with studs in to stop them slipping over
5. They will look at their performance
- They will watch every match
- Did they run when they could and pass when they couldn’t?
- They will learn from what went wrong
Why am I so sure I can win the F.A. Cup?
I clearly have no idea what I’m talking about. I couldn’t tell you one end of a football from another.
But I will win the cup, because unlike the rest of the Football League which changes managers the way I change my socks (3 or 4 times a month). I will invest in a manger who knows what he is talking about and let him get on with it.
Shouldn’t you take a systematic view of performance, not a knee jerk one?
If you enjoyed this post click here for updates delivered straight to your inbox
Read another opinion
Image by Kate Boydell
James,
Two things:
1. Shouldn’t you have a picture of Arsene Wenger at the end of the post? and
2. Could you add ‘I’ll help my team deal with adversity’ as an element in your list, particularly when Arsenal went on to win the FA Cup this year after going 2-0 down within the first 10 minutes?
Adrian
Do I detect a prejudice?
Only a little bit!
Hello James,
A great attitude and practice. It reminds me of a story I heard in the 90s when the Japanese were the rising dominating stars of the business world. It went something like this:
There is a boat race between the Brits and the Japanese. The Japanese won comfortably. The British were left humiliated and strong action was demanded. So the manager-coach was fired. And someone else put into that role.
The second boat race took place. The Japanese team won, again, comfortably. This time the Brits fired the cox, as it was politically unacceptable to fire the new manager-coach: it would imply that the powers that be had f***ked up in their appointment of the new manager.
The third boat race took place, this time with a new cox as well as the ‘new’ manager. The Japanese team won comfortably. The Brits carried out a review. The powers that be took it for granted that the manager and the cox were the right people doing everything right. Clearly, the fault lay with the worker, the oarsmen. So they put in a revised incentives (rewards and punishment) system.
The fourth boat race took place and the Japanese team won comfortably, again. The Brits fired the oarsmen…..
What the Brits did not do is to learn what the Japanese were or were not doing. Nor did they look at their technique. Nor their relationships – with one another and the technology (the boat). Nor did they practice as diligently as the Japanese…
All the best
maz
James,
I’ll cheer for your team… sounds like you have a good plan. Hiring someone to manage the team for you swayed me to your side. :-)
Annette :-)