The H.R. Hammer

My brother is nothing like me

Before I start this post I should point out that my brother and I live in very different worlds:

• He works for a F.T.S.E. 100 bank (not an insurer)
• He works in Canary Wharf (not the City)
• He works in I.T. (not operations)
• He is going bald (see picture on right)

My brother’s problems are not like mine

I had a long chat with him the other day. Apparently “the business” is not happy about the level of support it receives from I.T.

Everybody is getting excited about it.

The good people in H.R. have come to the rescue. They have deduced that the problem is a lack of staff capability, so staff capability is the problem that they are going to fix. They have developed a two stage approach to “strategically address the issue”.

The strategy

Stage 1: Recruit talent

1. Set up recruitment training
2. Conduct structured interviews
3. Record results and cross calibrate them
4. Rank and stack the applicants
5. Hire when they find the talent

Stage 2: Remove dead wood

1. Set up appraisal training
2. Conduct structured appraisals
3. Record results and cross calibrate them
4. Rank and stack the staff
5. De-hire when they find the dead wood

I have never worked for this particular bank. I can only assume that being de-hired is better than being sacked.

H.R. are going to address the situation — Strategically.

My brother is a little upset

As he says:

Why is it that every problem looks like an H.R. problem? And why is that every H.R. problem has the same solution? Our problems are short-term thinking, too many systems, no time for training, divisive objectives, little or no collaboration and constantly changing priorities. Those are the issues that should be fixed. O.K. we have a couple of wasters and we have asked H.R. to pay them off for years but they have never let us, not without filling in 20 forms and executive sign off. If they’d let us get on with developing code instead of formally appraising everybody for the third time this year the world would be a better place. Our problems are not people problems, why do they insist that they are?

My brother tends to rant a little

As I said, he is nothing like me.

Mind you, I have just been summoned to a session on organisational performance. I can’t help but worry that the solution suggested for my problems will look remarkably like the solution suggested for his…

If it don’t work, hit it ~ Anon

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Image by Ars Electronica